Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
