All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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