I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
