I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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