I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
