She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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