nut hugger
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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