so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
