I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
