Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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