Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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