I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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