this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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