The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
