i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
