you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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