you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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