Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
