Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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