In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If that was your dad, he is hot
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
