lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
