i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
