ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
