I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
