So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
