butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
