How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
