If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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