their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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