the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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