Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
