in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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