you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
