when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
