I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
