frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
