Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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