I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Randomize
