maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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