the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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