It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
