Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
