You're a womanizer and a bitch.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
