I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
