I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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