We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
