This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
