I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
