so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
