Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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